You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
