There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
