No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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