There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
