I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
