dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
