I must be too annoying 4 u.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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