She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
