Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
they need to just BURY HIM!
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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