I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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