omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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