He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
