I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
