You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
