Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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