I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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