If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
