Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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