We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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