Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
