my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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