dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
