You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
