I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
