you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
