we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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