I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
