Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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