well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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