I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
