Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
