You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
