Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
