New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
