why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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