What a fucking waste of an outfit
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
