We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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