get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
