I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
