SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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