Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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