I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
