rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
