I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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