how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
