I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize