All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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