Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
