No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
