btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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