You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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