Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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