if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
