I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
