If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
