I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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