Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
