i barfeds in our rink
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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