Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
