I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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