So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My bed smells like the plague
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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