In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
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