im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
