he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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