He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
