He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
