Dude my mom stole all your condoms
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
