Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
