the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We got so high we made milksteak
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
