I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
