What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she looked like the before picture.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
