U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
