I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
